“Rock of Ages” or “Take me down to the Paradise City…”

It’s loud, it’s flashy, it’s a trip back to the age of rock power ballads and glam metal bands. It’s ‘’Rock of Ages’’. You’re looking for a breakthrough plot in this movie? Don’t get your hopes high. The classical boy meets girl, boy ends trading rock for tacky pop and the girl becomes a stripper. But stick around for more. And there’s Tom Cruise singing close to the vocal range of Axl Rose’s chops and looking like the bastard son of Keith Richard – well in this situation he’s also the step brother of one Jack Sparrow, with some of the looks borrowed from P.O.T.C.

 There are pros and cons. The music is one motherfucking pro. It pulls you back in the age of the good time feeling, from ‘’Sister Christian’’ up until ‘’don’t stop believing’’. And there’s Mary J. Blige . Mary J cross the line from R’n’B and give rock a shoot woman ‘cause those vocals of yours are meant for rock anthems. Diego Boneta and Julianne Hough. They’re young, they fall in love, they break up and make up. There isn’t much and the chemistry between them is bouncing between all-time lows and forced highs. The final minutes of the movie they get their act together. One can criticize their acting but not their singing.

And then Stacee Jaxx came. Lead singer of the band Arsenal. It’s a long road from Cruise singing moment in ‘’Risky Business’’ with his briefs and shades on. Jaxx borrows heavily in his drunk sexy stupor from Jack Sparrow and I dare Tom to give it a go in the next possible installment of P.O.T.C. We’ve seen his twinkle in the comedic range. Jaxx is the Star. Try and recall the movie ‘’Rockstar’’ with Mark Walhberg. Between Boneta and Cruise, you mix, match, add and mold and you’ve got Izzy from the mentioned movie. Tattooed  with a bottle of Jack or/and scotch, women attached to his hop and Hey Man the monkey by his side ( hello Michael Jackson reference of Bubbles ), Cruise delivers a role few thought he’d attack. And he pulls it off. With leather pants low on his hips and grabbing his crotch before hitting the stage. ‘’Wanted Dead or Alive’’ right through almost having sex on the pool table singing ‘’I wanna know what love is’’. Priceless.

Baldwin&Brand. The merry couple running the Bourbon Room. For those of you who are cinematographic versatile with genres, try to remember the French movie ‘’La Cage aux Folles’’ or Lane&Williams version for the US, ‘’Birdcage’’. Double B here does that couple but instead of drag queens and disco you get testosterone and rock and I shout AMEN!

Although Hough didn’t made my eyebrows rise she did however made me applaud her toned body and the lady’s got a voice too. The bag of surprises brings out Catherine Zeta Jones. She can sing, she can dance, she’s a bitch in disguise. ‘’Chicago’’ and now ‘’Rock of Ages’’. ‘’Hit me with your best shoot’’, ma’am I tip my hat to you. As I do for Mary J. Mary J hear my call, hear my cry, do some more rock. As for Malin Akerman, I have to say, the risky scenes with Cruise worked down to the condoms in her flowy hairdo. Their chemistry was better than what went on with Boneta and Hough. But there was that moment with Cruise and Zeta Jones that begged for more. I do hope they have something about that in the deleted scenes present on the DVD.

All and all, ‘’Rock of Ages’’ isn’t a hit but it’s not bad either. It made me sing in the cinema at 4pm and feel good. Story line I encourage you to stick for the music and actors. At some point the sensation is of a 2 hours MTV music video. Well back in the days of good old MTV, minus The Teenage Moms and the whole Jersey Shore business. The good time, feel good message of the movie stays after the credits have rolled. ‘’Don’t stop believing , hold on to that feeling.’’